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What Would D Do?

Female 43: My husband and I have been separated for one year now and our divorce won’t be finalized for quite a while. He has been poisoning my son against me for that entire time. Now my son won’t talk to me. I am heartsick over it. What should I do?

I am so sorry for your trouble. Parent alienation is so damaging, and I think if parents knew just how horrible an effect it had on the kids, they would think twice about doing it. If this were my situation, I would keep my chin up. I don’t mean to make this sound too simplistic, because it is not. By not retaliating or allowing the negativity to affect us, we show a better side to our kids. If we do attempt to answer the allegations, it should be with empathy. Saying something like, “I think I understand where your dad might have gotten that impression, but I want you to know it is not true. I would never do that to you or him.” If you notice, we are trying to give the benefit of the doubt and in doing so, we aren’t calling his dad a liar. This is crucial because if we put our kids in a “He said/she said” predicament, they have to choose who they are going to believe. In my experience, it is better to allow time to bring truth to the surface. If we are consistent, loving and not fighting back, there is no negative energy exchange to build on… there is only positive love flowing.

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to take the place of professional advice or counseling. I am a coach, but I can’t possibly know all the nuances of every person’s situation. It is my hope to help people find the most positive path to take on their divorce journey.

Comments from the Kids

Written by Samantha B. at age 15

“When I was in 7th grade I found out my parents were getting divorced. In 8th grade I found out the truth why. That was the worst night of my life. Finding out your parents are getting divorced is like a doctor telling you your relative has cancer. But finding out why is like getting the call that your relative died.

Parents are never easy to deal with, especially ones who argue. But if you can make it through a divorce you come out stronger. Going through this divorce I feel I have matured quickly and I became a stronger person. I can’t say that it was easy because that would be a lie. But what I can say is that, sometimes you’re better off with two separate peaceful parents than two parents who fight constantly. People would tell me that all the time and it wasn’t until it was over that I realized they were right.”

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Her efforts are tireless and she is always looking for ways to continually make everyone live life to their fullest potential. Donna is by far a true coach, healer, friend, and one of the most caring loving people anyone will ever meet. I can't thank her enough for what she has done for me in life as a person, father, husband, and friend.”

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Dennis Fama, Acupuncturist

“When doctors were unable to assist me with a painful and chronic condition, Donna identified what was going on and helped me resolve the problem. She motivated me during recovery and continues to guide me to wellness today. How can you say enough about someone so caring, kind, and intelligent, unwilling to accept payment for her incredible work but instead is genuinely rewarded by your good health and happiness? Donna Martini is a gift, a friend and a teacher; I am so fortunate to have her in my life.”

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Bruce D., Consultant

“I met Donna after noticing the name of her boat, “Positive Manipulation”. I was intrigued by the phrase and reached out to her. While going through a very confusing time in my life, she provided me with more insight and inspiration than just about anyone else I have ever met. Our conversations are more helpful than I could put into words and I truly value the time we spend together.

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I now focus on what is important and have a much more positive outlook on life. I am amazed at her positive energy, considering what she has been through in her past.. There are very few “good” people in the world, but Donna Martini is at the top of the list, and I can truly say I am a much better person since knowing her.”

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David, Sales

“When Donna started coaching me I was 285 lbs. She took me on a tour of Whole Foods and taught me how to make better food choices. In the first month, my blood pressure went from 130/100 to 120/88 and I lost five pounds. After six months of lifestyle changes that included taking her Pilates and yoga classes, I have dropped down to 258, a weight I haven’t seen in over 20 years. Her coaching style made it easy and I never felt deprived.

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As I went through my divorce, she taught me ways to deal with stress and helped me stick to my long term goals. At the age of 50, I feel healthier and stronger than I have in years.”

Dan C., IBW Local Union #3

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I remembered her spirit and compassion from 30 years ago, and took her up on her offer. With yoga and breathing exercises that have improved my respiration and my mental outlook, professional coaching, and helping me market my organization, Unsung Heroes Helping Heroes. ( she has helped me feel better, look better, and most importantly, to get me back in touch with, as she calls it, my eagle spirit. I thank her for being my friend.”

Marvin Bethea, President and Co-Founder, Unsung Heroes Helping Heroes

“I met Donna during the worst period of my life. After being medically treated for depression and anxiety that was getting progressively worse, I felt out of control and hopeless. Within minutes of meeting me, she ascertained what was going on with my body. Her explanation gave me the hope I so desperately needed, along with direction and light after seeing only darkness for an entire year.

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We have been working together consistently ever since, and I am blessed to say that I have been progressing nicely—without medication—every day. We were total and complete strangers, but she opened up her heart to me. It is as if we communicate soul to soul, and I have never been more in touch with who I am as a human being. Donna is my guiding light and a true friend.”

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I was taking six medications prescribed by three doctors when I started my wellness journey with her last year. Through spiritual, physical, and nutritional approaches, I have seen a significant reversal of my medical decline. She worked with me to holistically correct my conditions, and I’m living proof that her advice heals. Thank you so much Donna for all you have done for me!”

Michael J. Gulotta, DDS

“Ever since I have known Donna, she has worked tirelessly to improve other people’s lives, almost at the detriment of her own. She brings out the best in everyone she comes in contact with, and is always available for advice. It is all tied to her never-ending willingness to give and never give up on the people she feels are good, but maybe just lost for a moment in time. It is her gift.”

Vincent Amato, CEO, Pioneer Windows

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