Female 43: My husband and I have been separated for one year now and our divorce won’t be finalized for quite a while. He has been poisoning my son against me for that entire time. Now my son won’t talk to me. I am heartsick over it. What should I do?
I am so sorry for your trouble. Parent alienation is so damaging, and I think if parents knew just how horrible an effect it had on the kids, they would think twice about doing it. If this were my situation, I would keep my chin up. I don’t mean to make this sound too simplistic, because it is not. By not retaliating or allowing the negativity to affect us, we show a better side to our kids. If we do attempt to answer the allegations, it should be with empathy. Saying something like, “I think I understand where your dad might have gotten that impression, but I want you to know it is not true. I would never do that to you or him.” If you notice, we are trying to give the benefit of the doubt and in doing so, we aren’t calling his dad a liar. This is crucial because if we put our kids in a “He said/she said” predicament, they have to choose who they are going to believe. In my experience, it is better to allow time to bring truth to the surface. If we are consistent, loving and not fighting back, there is no negative energy exchange to build on… there is only positive love flowing.
Disclaimer: This information is not meant to take the place of professional advice or counseling. I am a coach, but I can’t possibly know all the nuances of every person’s situation. It is my hope to help people find the most positive path to take on their divorce journey.
Written by Samantha B. at age 15
“When I was in 7th grade I found out my parents were getting divorced. In 8th grade I found out the truth why. That was the worst night of my life. Finding out your parents are getting divorced is like a doctor telling you your relative has cancer. But finding out why is like getting the call that your relative died.
Parents are never easy to deal with, especially ones who argue. But if you can make it through a divorce you come out stronger. Going through this divorce I feel I have matured quickly and I became a stronger person. I can’t say that it was easy because that would be a lie. But what I can say is that, sometimes you’re better off with two separate peaceful parents than two parents who fight constantly. People would tell me that all the time and it wasn’t until it was over that I realized they were right.”
“Donna has helped me look beyond the negatives that are so easy to dwell on in everyday life and see the goodness beyond that. She has helped me focus on the good things and made me realize how truly blessed I am.”
R. S. Business Owner
“There aren't enough words to express who this woman truly is. God has sent us one of his top Angels. Donna pulled me from the depths of the lowest point in my life and has shown me and my family a way to consistent and true Happiness. Donna gives so much of herself and never asks for anything in return. She has not only turned my entire life around but has helped my entire family through nutritional coaching, Feng Shui, and general wellness.
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Her efforts are tireless and she is always looking for ways to continually make everyone live life to their fullest potential. Donna is by far a true coach, healer, friend, and one of the most caring loving people anyone will ever meet. I can't thank her enough for what she has done for me in life as a person, father, husband, and friend.”
Craig C., Actor
“Donna Martini is a truly amazing woman. Our family is so fortunate to have her in our lives. She is always upbeat and smiling, her glass is always half full. She has been nothing short of a blessing to our family since the day we met. Our four children adore her - they are always eager to get up early on a Sunday morning to go do yoga with Ms. Martini, which is really quite a remarkable fete.
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She has been endlessly patient and selfless with her time in helping us with our 12 year old daughter's weight issues. Donna has a contagious "can do" attitude and is never judgmental or condescending. She is forever thinking of different solutions to a problem or obstacle and is never short on praise when someone does well or reaches a goal. We often asks ourselves, "What would D do?" Donna Martini is an absolute asset to anyone lucky enough to come in contact with her.”
L.S., Mother of Four
“Donna has the unique ability to "connect" with those around her in a way unlike you have ever experienced before. She is experienced, dedicated, high-energy and without question "The Real Deal". Your life will change upon first meeting her. I'm proud to call her, my friend!”
Rudy H., Business Owner
“It is difficult to describe the pure energy that Donna exudes and the sincere caring for everyone she touches. Honest, trustworthy, loving and independent; a rare combination of qualities. Without Donna and her influence I would not be the person I am today. For me she is the truest definition of soul mate.”
Mike C., Business Owner
“I met Donna at a low point in my life, but she transformed me back and beyond my former self. Through the physical, mental, and spiritual, she taught me to take control and live life to the fullest. I now approach everything in a positive way!”
Russ V., Sales
“Donna Martini is no longer the best kept secret because she is out! Donna is a brilliant coach. She is, generous with her time, her love, and her energy. She has transformed so many lives and now she can reach out to so many more with her writings. I am her biggest fan!”
Carol W., Insurance Broker
“It would be a challenge to find a person more impassioned for good health and total wellness than Donna Martini. She is a warrior against disease and depression. Her ambition is to improve people’s lives by sharing her wisdom and good common sense, her innate perception of human nature and the blatant and direct association of a healthy diet and exercise program with a joyful, balanced and gratifying life. Her enthusiasm can be high-test fuel for anyone who is lucky enough to join time with her.”
Leslie L, Business Owner
“Donna’s unbounded energy and unique perspective on life and living has touched and improved my life. She encourages everyone she meets to examine their lives, thoughts, worries or goals with fresh eyes. I met Donna at a crossroads in my life as I conclude one career and embark on a new one. I’ve incorporated some of her insights and suggestions into the development of my new company. I value her counsel as well as her friendship as they both come from her heart.”
Dennis Fama, Acupuncturist
“When doctors were unable to assist me with a painful and chronic condition, Donna identified what was going on and helped me resolve the problem. She motivated me during recovery and continues to guide me to wellness today. How can you say enough about someone so caring, kind, and intelligent, unwilling to accept payment for her incredible work but instead is genuinely rewarded by your good health and happiness? Donna Martini is a gift, a friend and a teacher; I am so fortunate to have her in my life.”
Kim G., Office Manager
“Donna has a special light in her eyes, a spark of spontaneous enthusiasm for life. She is very self-giving and willing to help others. It is rare to find someone that has so positively affected my life. In her yoga teaching I found not only considerable relief from nagging injuries from hard tennis, but the practice of yoga has made me a better athlete overall. She is a pleasure and a delight!”
Scott C., Real Estate Appraiser
“Donna Martini....What can I say.....This woman is the one of the most beautiful people that I have ever had the privilege and pleasure of meeting. After speaking with her for 20 minutes I felt like I knew her all my life. She is very special, so caring and a great listener. The health of others is her passion in life, as she has tutored me personally, along with many other individuals, never asking for anything in return, but the reward of seeing you feeling and looking better!”
Bruce D., Consultant
“I met Donna after noticing the name of her boat, “Positive Manipulation”. I was intrigued by the phrase and reached out to her. While going through a very confusing time in my life, she provided me with more insight and inspiration than just about anyone else I have ever met. Our conversations are more helpful than I could put into words and I truly value the time we spend together.
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I now focus on what is important and have a much more positive outlook on life. I am amazed at her positive energy, considering what she has been through in her past.. There are very few “good” people in the world, but Donna Martini is at the top of the list, and I can truly say I am a much better person since knowing her.”
Rob S., Owner, Mobile Fleet
“I have known Donna for several years and have had the privilege of being part of her wonderful endeavors. Where do I start? She is my hero. She is encouraging and has limitless energy. Donna talks the talk and walks the walk. She is a breath of fresh air, a nutritional counselor, yoga/Pilates instructor, and trusted friend. I will always, with complete confidence, recommend Donna Martini to anyone I know.”
Monique Zorn, Owner, Zorn's Caterers
“Donna is an Angel. I refer to her as my muse. When Donna enters your world, things start to happen. She walks the talk. She is one of the most genuine people I have ever met. And can she move energy! I was really stuck in a deep rut, and she spent lots of her time helping me. I am forever in her debt. I love you Donna!”
Tom H., Sales
“Donna has been my wake up call to "pay it forward". She is always giving and thinking of others, leading by example. Workouts with her are fun and I've gotten physical results to match the good feelings being around her and her friends. It's a great all around approach to feeling well and I have her to thank for it!”
“When Donna started coaching me I was 285 lbs. She took me on a tour of Whole Foods and taught me how to make better food choices. In the first month, my blood pressure went from 130/100 to 120/88 and I lost five pounds. After six months of lifestyle changes that included taking her Pilates and yoga classes, I have dropped down to 258, a weight I haven’t seen in over 20 years. Her coaching style made it easy and I never felt deprived.
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As I went through my divorce, she taught me ways to deal with stress and helped me stick to my long term goals. At the age of 50, I feel healthier and stronger than I have in years.”
Dan C., IBW Local Union #3
“Meeting Donna almost exactly 1 year ago has been such a blessing. I can’t believe I am actually working out twice a week (almost every week) and looking forward to it and actually enjoying it. It is a very supportive and invigorating environment. I think the physicality of it is so beneficial as are the relationships I have developed through this experience.
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It has become a work-out/support group which has been a wonderful addition to my life. Unfortunately my generation is not great about keeping ourselves fit as we age and I now realize how important it is. My back no longer aches and I believe I look more fit and have more energy. Donna, thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
Ellen Benson, Executive Director, Harmony Heights
“Donna Martini has been a true angel in my life. My name is Marvin Bethea and I am a disabled NYC Paramedic. As a result of my rescue activities on 9/11, I have been diagnosed with PTSD, sinusitis, depression and asthma. I ran into Donna at a business meeting I attended as guest speaker. Upon hearing my story, she immediately offered to help with my healing and also for any other 9/11 Responder. As it turned out, we exchanged business cards and recognized each other's names from High School!
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I remembered her spirit and compassion from 30 years ago, and took her up on her offer. With yoga and breathing exercises that have improved my respiration and my mental outlook, professional coaching, and helping me market my organization, Unsung Heroes Helping Heroes. (www.unsunghhh.us) she has helped me feel better, look better, and most importantly, to get me back in touch with, as she calls it, my eagle spirit. I thank her for being my friend.”
Marvin Bethea, President and Co-Founder, Unsung Heroes Helping Heroes
“I met Donna during the worst period of my life. After being medically treated for depression and anxiety that was getting progressively worse, I felt out of control and hopeless. Within minutes of meeting me, she ascertained what was going on with my body. Her explanation gave me the hope I so desperately needed, along with direction and light after seeing only darkness for an entire year.
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We have been working together consistently ever since, and I am blessed to say that I have been progressing nicely—without medication—every day. We were total and complete strangers, but she opened up her heart to me. It is as if we communicate soul to soul, and I have never been more in touch with who I am as a human being. Donna is my guiding light and a true friend.”
Kenny E., Business Owner
“Adjectives cannot describe what Donna Martini can do for you. She is a “must see” person, because once you meet her, you will feel her vibe. Donna exudes healing and caring to all she comes in contact with. She has been an inspiration and the driving force behind my mental and medical revival.
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I was taking six medications prescribed by three doctors when I started my wellness journey with her last year. Through spiritual, physical, and nutritional approaches, I have seen a significant reversal of my medical decline. She worked with me to holistically correct my conditions, and I’m living proof that her advice heals. Thank you so much Donna for all you have done for me!”
Michael J. Gulotta, DDS
“Ever since I have known Donna, she has worked tirelessly to improve other people’s lives, almost at the detriment of her own. She brings out the best in everyone she comes in contact with, and is always available for advice. It is all tied to her never-ending willingness to give and never give up on the people she feels are good, but maybe just lost for a moment in time. It is her gift.”
Vincent Amato, CEO, Pioneer Windows